A Therapist’s Guide to Surviving Thanksgiving Without Losing Your Mind
Thanksgiving is that special time of year when we gather with loved ones, eat too much, and remember exactly why we only see certain relatives once a year. As therapists, we call this “exposure therapy with a side of green bean casserole.”
Here is your unofficial, super-duper clinically informed guide to surviving Thanksgiving.
Step One
Accept that someone will bring up something you did in 2009
A relative will remind you of a deeply irrelevant past mistake, or at least what they think is a mistake. You will instinctively want to defend yourself. Do not. Simply respond with the classic therapeutic nod that says
“I hear you, and also I no longer care.”
Step Two
Prepare for the Olympic event known as boundary setting
Boundaries are like the rolls at Thanksgiving. Everyone wants more of them, very few actually know how to make them, and someone will get offended no matter what.
Practice phrases like:
“I am not discussing that today.”
or the upgraded version
“I stopped letting that topic ruin my holidays back in May.”
Step Three
Know your roles
Every family has assigned roles that no one auditioned for.
The Peacemaker
The Scapegoat
The Family Historian
The One Who Keeps the Kids Alive
The “Actually I’m Only Here for Pie” Person
Identify your role early. If it isn’t working for you, switch to the silent observer. That position is always open.
Step Four
Remember that emotional triggers count as cardio
If your heart rate goes up when a loved one asks you about your job, relationship status, life choices, or the emotional meaning of your haircut, congratulations. You have completed your Thanksgiving workout.
Cool down with slow breathing or, if that fails, strategic dish washing.
Step Five
No one wins political conversations, especially the kind your uncle specializes in. These are not debates. They are moral landmines. To keep your family dinner from turning into an episode of The Bear, try a few firm boundaries:
“I care about you, but I’m not getting into politics today.”
“I love you, but I’m not sacrificing my sanity today.”
“I’m here to eat food, not argue with family.”
And if you decide something has crossed the line and it’s the moment to engage, do it intentionally:
Breathe into your abdomen
Speak slowly
Then breathe again
Repeat as needed
Step Six
Channel your inner therapist
Be curious.
Stay neutral.
Remind yourself that you cannot therapize your way out of a family system you did not choose.
Smile with compassion or, if needed, internal screaming.
Step Seven
Use the bathroom as your safe room
Your nervous system deserves a break. Go in. Close the door. Take five slow breaths. Scroll your phone. Maybe live there for several minutes. The bathroom is the Switzerland of Thanksgiving.
Or just up and take a quick solo walk
Step Eight
Have an exit plan
Not all heroes wear capes. Some quietly say
“Well everyone this has been lovely”
and disappear into the night before dessert even hits the table.
Step Nine
Find something small that actually feels good
A moment with someone you like
The quiet before people arrive
A walk outside when needing a break
Mashed potatoes
Yes, mashed potatoes count as emotional regulation
Step Ten
If the whole thing feels like too much, that is normal
Holidays intensify stress, family patterns, and whatever chaos is already living inside the system. You are not failing if you feel worn out. You are human.
Bonus: How Therapy Helps
Therapy teaches you how to set boundaries, regulate yourself when your uncle starts monologuing, stop absorbing everyone else’s emotional baggage, and survive the holiday without dissociating into the gravy. More importantly, it helps you understand why your family can feel so triggering and gives you tools to handle it without losing yourself.
